Monday, February 13, 2006

Thirty-Six Days Later :: part two

Continued from last post...

But there we were, nevertheless, standing in our dingy kitchen five thousand miles from home yelling at each other over Lord knows what. He wouldn’t shut up. I wouldn’t open up. For months it had been that way, our friendship slowly disintegrating because I didn’t know how to communicate, and it seemed to me he didn’t know how to stop communicating.

I didn’t want accountability. I didn’t want depth. I didn’t want to talk about my day or my life or much of anything really. And simply because I was being pushed in that direction, I refused to go. I guess I just didn’t see the value of it at the time. Besides - it was easier to hide in silence. I wanted easy believability, not the sparks and noise and pain of iron on iron. For these reasons, our relationship had slowly devolved of the course of several months from buddy-buddy, to civil tolerance, to silent misery. Silent misery eventually erupted, volcanic and volatile.

I’d never heard my friend curse before. We were Christians, for Christ’s sake.

And so there we stood, fists balled, faces red, veins popping. The refugee tilework on the floor took on a red tinge as head-pounding anger nearly blocked out all rational thought in my brain. I remember yelling something to the effect of “Why the hell do you keep pushing me? Why won’t you get off my friggin’ back?!” His response was somehow both perfectly simple and exceedingly profound at the same time.

His response was a moment of clarity.

“Because I care more about your holiness than about your friendship.”

I had little insight as to what those words meant at the time, only that in my anger they initially struck me as a stupid, arrogant thing to say. What did he know about holiness, anyway?

But I couldn’t shake the implications of his words.

“Because I care more about your holiness than about your friendship.”

[ part 3 ]

11 comments:

Allie said...

In chapter three, do you guys have a fight scene where you do the Karate Kid crane kick? Because my money is on you, my friend.

In blog news, I like your last two posts. Your pen is mightier than your fists, you crazy Dutchman.

Karyn said...

Wow. Sounds stupid, I know, but it's such an important sentence, and even though I find myself spinning from the implication, there is enough clarity to know that there are deep and important lessons to be had. Thanks for sharing so purely.

Oldhops said...

Hey man, that is really well written

music.angel said...

wow, i've never heard you tell this story. i was telling Michele about your first post while we were snowed in this weekend =) and she knew the story before i could finish the first paragraph. I look forward to hearing the rest...

It's really cool to hear where you got that statement as well...especially since i use it now too! Few words...large impact. Thx to your friend and to you for sharing.

Diddy said...

. . . and why haven't we made a movie about this yet? Get with it JVD. Get me a script. Think big.

4evergapeach said...

Thanks for visiting my site. I'm new here, and I've read a few posts. Nice and thoughtful.

Not sure what this one is about, I'll continue reading and coming back. I pray it ends in peace between you and your frind, but mostly for peace within yourself.

God bless~

Marc Penner said...

Thanks for being so transparent. I hope that there is a part three.

You are continuing to show that quality is more important than quantity in blogging.

samb said...

i posted a long comment about you punchasizing the guy in his jigglies...and it didnt show up. what the what.

Jeremy said...

unjjsxavan smack....

i am still thinking about the last one you wrote. and i never came back to reply. but i think its because i didnt like what you were saying.

let me clarify... i like the way it's said... just not the content. if you read oldhops post a while ago that was titled, "hanging it all out there," then maybe you will understand what i am talking about.

i am waiting for the conclusion so that we can really discuss.

pegg

Jeremy said...

uh..... what the?

van smack.

van.diesel said...

pegg - i checked out oldhops' post.

lookin' forward to it...